Lucy told me that she looked her best I pictures. Lucy told me that she smiled with her eyes. Lucy tore my heart out, and I don’t think I’ll miss her. I wasn’t surprised, that Lucy told me lies.
I had probably the greatest idea ever while coming to work. Probably won’t ever happen. It would be awesome though!
just turning the same tricks all over again…
so let’s see what happens with this…
to address new readers:
- i do not capitalize my sentences. its just something i don’t do. its not that i dont understand punctuation or English grammar, i just choose not to.
- i usually dont use apostrophes for contractions. again, i just choose not to. i am conscious of it, i just dont want to use them in blogs.
- i know the difference between their, there, and they’re… i hate using the last form because of the apostrophe, so i choose to use a different form. laziness wins the battle
- i know the difference between your and you’re, but again, i rarely use you’re. its too long to type out, and laziness wins the battle again.
- i use alot of run on sentences with many commas. you’ll get used to it.
i want to get back to writing blogs again like i used to, back in the day. from 2002-2008 i used to write alot of whoppers. i tried to again in 2009 or whatever, but it was short lived because i put too many contraints on it. i wanted to do one every single day. i just don’t have time for that crap anymore. i have a wife. i work. me and the wife enjoy watching tv, which i never really cared for before i got married. it would not bother me at all to get rid of the stupid box… but its fun to keep up with the stories, so whatever. i just remember a time when i would go to work in the evening, and come home, and write.
the thing is, from midnight to like 6 am, juices are flowing in abundance, and its so easy to put in a record, and let creativity take it’s toll. or alcohol. or heartache. or whichever vice it may be. i just remember how great it was to come home, nothing on tv cause i only had 6 channels, and it was just infomercials at that hour. i only had like 50 dvds, so who cared. it was just so enjoyable to come home, get a drink out of the fridge, take off my jacket, put on a record or 2, and write about what was going on.
Loneliness does a crazy thing to you… it allows you to think. to analyze. to figure out what is important in life. and the cold weather only amplifies such thought processes. and the thing is it didnt seem to matter to her. now i looked right into her eye, and i swore she saw it too, but she didnt. a hollow shell, and no regrets. i just sat in the corridor waiting to catch a glimpse. i shard of our future. but we have no future, because we have no present. and thats the thing that is so hard to handle. why am i such a coward? why is it so hard to just say what needs to be said?
it wasnt that long ago. it really wasnt. but the thing about it all, was it was just yesterday in her book, but in mine it was last week, our calendars just don’t measure up. we are talking in characters, but its so hard to count to 40 past a hundred when last nights regrets are still hanging onto my shoulder.
let’s talk about those regrets, cause i left those details out. the moon was glistening between the trees, she was quiet, but the stereo was going 120 beats per minute. she said something. no. yes. no. huh? nevermind. the pool table never lies, and i was on fire. they were going straight in. but the disturbance was enough to scratch the whole thing. the mirror explained it all. we stepped outside for a moment, but she was too busy talking about big plans in a small town for me to realize what the commitment was. the computer was flashing green, and we exchanged the pleasentries. everything was bared, and there was no embarassment. i didnt look away, and that was the point that changed everything. no excuses, no regrets.
she expected more from me than i was willing to give. i felt alive. i felt… on top of the world. i didnt need an anchor holding me down. but that night was different. i wasnt thinking straight. i was on a different level. she was too. the thing about darkness, is it distorts everything. its so hard to recall the events to put it into words. like when she called and explained everything. the song was on repeat. it wouldnt go away. the line was drawn in the sand and there was no turning back from the events. well, not so much sand. but there was that barrier that was passed. it was completely shot to the milky way. we shed our barriers to explore something deeper. but she didnt seem to be to concerned.
but then we’re back to where we started. i’m just waiting to see her down the corridor, and shed our regrets and hope that everything works out. but it wont, and it never does, nor never will. it’s time to move along.
-keith
Douse yourself in cheep perfume, it’s so fitting of the way you are. You can’t cover it up.
Currently Listening
From Under the Cork Tree
By Fall Out Boy
Pavlove
Something make my chest stir
Something make my head blur
I’m not ready for a handshake with death, no
I’m just such a happy mess
The drums are four on the floor
she’s back to the bathroom for one more
I’m the invisible man,
who can’t stop staring at the mirror
I want to make you as lonley as me,
so you can get addicted to this now.
It’s five drinks too late to talk to anyone but myself.
It’s a three and two pitch to walk to anywhere else
The drums are four on the floor
she’s back to the bathroom for one more
I’m the invisible man,
who can’t stop staring at the mirror,
I want to make you as lonley as me,
so you can get, get addicted to this now.
flip me over
i want to use this more. i want to post a new blog once a week, or whenever. i miss writing blogs. i think this will be fun…
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